I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
