Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Too much gin, very little bucket
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Randomize
