So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Ladies don't puke and tell
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
