dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Randomize
