Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
