i just sent this text using only my big toe
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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