everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
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I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
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Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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