But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
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Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
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But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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