I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
