We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
