Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
