im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
