I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
