they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
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I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
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I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize