I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
