yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
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He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
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How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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