tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
