Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just cropdusted the office
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
