Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
