I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
