I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
