Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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