somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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