It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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