I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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