70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
