nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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