His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
