And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
