shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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