Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
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I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I think a kid would responsible me up
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
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You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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