I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
