Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
