worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
