alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
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After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
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How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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