I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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