i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
