So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
