I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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