I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
