mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
