I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
