U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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