why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
