now i know why i became what i already was.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
