how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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