Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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