I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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