If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
In other news, I just burned my penis
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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