I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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