Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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