He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
