I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
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No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
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I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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