You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
