Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Tornado booty call.. dedication
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
