I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Sext me about skeletons
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
