My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Having a random hookup so left but love u
You're completely useless in the revolution.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
