Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
ugly people sure do ruin things
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
