I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
