Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I believe in your delicious
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
