So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
