So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
