you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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