It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
my shit smells like andre
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
All I want is dick and wine.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
