Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
