I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
