one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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