You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We have started to decorate penises.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
