8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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