Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
