paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
