My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
