You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
