My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
