as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
