Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
