I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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