Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
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please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
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On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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