listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
