Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
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He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
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Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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