they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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