Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize